


I Really Am Bad

by katywritescrack (katya1828)



Series: Because evil!Chloe Rules! [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Whump, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:13:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23477551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katya1828/pseuds/katywritescrack
Summary: From a prompt by tfbl: Lucifer really is as evil as people say. That’s ok, because his spouse/spouses are just as bad as he is.Okay, so Chloe isn't his spouse in this... but she could be if I get around to writing more ;) Who knows?Just a fun, evil drabble. I thought I wanted to write fluff to cheer myself up, but my muse decided slightly evil crack was the way forward. Way to go, me :P Yes, I am having a nervous breakdown, but so is most of the world. Ho hum!!
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Because evil!Chloe Rules! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1693261
Comments: 20
Kudos: 29





	I Really Am Bad

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tfbl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfbl/gifts).



“Detective… I’ve got something important to tell you.”

“Lucifer? What is it? You know I’m always ready to listen, whenever you’re ready to talk.”

They stood on the beach, holding each other close against the backdrop of a blood-red sunset. Strewn about their feet were half a dozen bodies, four of them dead by Lucifer’s bare hands. Chloe had shot the other two, just before she’d got the text telling them the surfers they’d annihilated were entirely innocent. Or was it just after? She couldn’t recall. The nasty murderous drug gang they’d been supposed to bring down were partying on another beach, ten miles up the coast.

_Whoops._

Still, Chloe had more important matters to worry about. She and Lucifer were clearly having a “moment.”

“Detective… it’s tricky. You see, the truth is… the real truth…”

She craned up toward him, and he leaned a little closer, so their lips almost brushed. They breathed each other’s sweet breath, intertwined with the briny sea air.

He still hadn’t got to the point. She was getting bored. “Spit it out, Lucifer.”

“The truth,” he said, “the real truth is that I really am evil. Not “Oooooh, whiny, misunderstood Daddy-doesn’t-love-me-so-I’m-going-to-stamp-my foot-and-have-a-party” evil. But actually evil.” He grinned, and his eyes turned a livid red. “Hot evil, right? So… are you still up for this? For you and I to be a thing?”

“Okay, that’s a lot to take in.” Chloe cocked her head to one side, considering. She toyed with the buttons on Lucifer’s shirt, her fingertips very much enjoying the firmness of the flesh beneath. “So, uh, were the you the kind of kid that kicked puppies and snapped the legs off spiders?”

Lucifer pulled an apologetic face. “There were no animals back then, and I was never really a kid. So, I just had to kick and snap the legs off my annoying, holier-than-thou siblings.”

“I see.” Chloe chewed her bottom lip, backing away from him. “So, you really, really, are evil. You really are the proper devil, in the proper evil sense?”

Lucifer threw his arms wide in a theatrical gesture. “That’s me!” He grinned more satanically than ever.

He was still beaming, when Chloe whipped out the knife and plunged it in his gut, adding a mean little twist as a flourish.

She sat on his chest, while he lay on the sands, bleeding and moaning. “It’s alright, babe,” she said, toying soothingly with his hair. “You see, I’m entirely horrible too. The whole goodie-two-shoes Detective act is just a charade, so I can get away with killing lots of innocent people and, when I can be bothered, framing them for crimes.”

“That _is_ sexy,” conceded Lucifer. A dribble of blood escaped from the corner of his mouth. “But if you don’t sod off soon, I’m going to be _entirely_ dead, and then we can’t embark on a deliciously wicked crime spree together, or follow it up with a marathon kinky sex session. That is what you want, right?”

“More than anything. But let me stay just a moment longer,” said Chloe, “I do enjoy watching you suffer.”

She gave the hilt of the knife embedded in his gut another little twist, enjoying how he gasped and keened. Then with a sigh, she got up and wandered away. Her dainty feet left bloody footprints in the sand.

“ _So_ damned hot,” murmured Lucifer, and then he lost consciousness.


End file.
